I am heart broken. And I have wept all day. Because a beautiful boy is gone. A teenager took his life last night. And many are grieving his loss. This is the worst part of being a high school teacher. Losing a kid is beyond painful. It is your worst fear made real. And I wish that no parent, teacher, or friend had to confront this unbearable nightmare brought to life. This loss is especially hard to understand. If only...
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Although the grief is raw right now, I sat down with my eldest son and I told him the truth-and cried while doing so. Although I want to protect him from this kind of horror-I'm afraid to. So I told him. There is going to be pain in his life-real pain. He will fail. He will know sadness. He will know disappointment. He will find love-and likely lose it. He will be rejected. And that loss will be unbearable. And the pain and darkness will be overwhelming and devastating. I want him to see it it coming. I want him to know it is there, breathing on his neck. There is no path to avoid it. One day he will likely understand how this teenager felt. ...And then we talked about God's plan for his life. In his darkest moments he is to cling to God's will and God's plan and to know God's heart for him. Because there is hope in that truth. And he will never be forsaken in that truth. And that is the best I can offer him... And we both wept for that other boy.
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So now I cry and pray for all of our beautiful boys... and I am clinging to God's hand as we sit and wait in the dark.
A tough conversation to have. Once I collect myself, I may borrow your words for my own beautiful boys.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you for being such a strong mother! I can only begin to imagine the pain of that conversation. I glimpsed a bit of it while holding my precious nephew today, knowing that despite wanting to keep the realities of life from him, we have to teach him to face them, walking hand in hand with God, with God carrying him when he can't walk on his own.
ReplyDeleteI have no words to comfort, but I will send prayers that God may send you all and his family and all the kids the comfort that will be so desperately needed. Much love to you!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post; your authenticity strikes deep and real to everyone.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for this terrible loss. I also thinks it's best for kids to have an understanding of what is to come... even when it is not positive. I think that it's inspiring that you discussed all of this with your oldest and shared your emotions with him about it also. He probably took in the conversation completely different and deeper because of it.
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