Mr B informed me today that there are two professions that I would totally suck at and should never attempt: being a nurse and being a hooker. He said this from his sick bed while feverishly moaning through cracked lips. And I cheerfully agreed with him-while keeping my sanitary distance. Sickly, needy, desperate people are sooooo annoying. And don't even get me started on body fluids... Mr B would have you think that I am a cold hearted personal assistant. Well, sooooo..... OK-I'm not Florence Nightingale. I didn't lay his fevered head on my bosom while dabbing his brow with cool alcohol while murmuring French words of love and healing. And besides, not soon after I delivered his Ibuprofen and water and cold cloth, he starts talking dirty and pawing me. Now how sick is that?!? I probably should have called Honey (his mother) to come over and nurse him back to health. She would have shoved a banana down his throat, plugged up his nose with Mentholatum, scalded his face with a hot cloth, wrapped him in a melted plastic blanket from the microwave, and talked his ears off for hours about all those annoying old people who live in her condo who feed the squirrels and let their visitors park in resident's spaces. The fact that I didn't proves how kind and caring and compassionate I really am. Although I still will not touch a sick person with a ten foot pole...
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