Boyless

Since all the fellas at Unabashed Blather Headquarters (The UBH-sounds terrorist doesn't it???) were zombie camping this weekend, I totally had a slacker-girly weekend.  Meaning all my clothes from my closet are busted out and thrown in discarded, drunken piles, jewelery and hair bands are sprinkled like dead cockroaches all over the house, the sink is full of dirty dishes, and half consumed diet cokes in dirty cups have sprouted on my nightstand.  Basically I talked on the phone for hours,  trolled the Internet for eons, smoked cigs in my PJ's with wild abandon, and spent my grocery budget on a facial/massage.  Who needs well balanced meals when there's a stale box of Cheez-Its in the back of the pantry behind the ice cream salt???

Oh, but I also had a fun girl date!  Hence the busted out closet...  I finally opted for big sparkly earrings and a gray/black ensemble with suede boots and a turquoise scarf.  By the end of the night the earrings were lost, and I was drunk as a skunk on four glasses of Chardonnay.  A perfect therapy session with a smart, beautiful friend who refuses TO KISS ASS!!!  Ever.  For anyone.  How hottttt is THAT?!?!?

The boys are returning soon, so I have to hang sh*t back up in the closet, load the dishwasher, take out the trash, and flush the butts.... totally worth it...  even if that means I have to turn into a kitchen slut for my real life.  I can totally sympathize with Cinderella...

Oh! Oh! Oh!  CELEBRITY SIGHTING ALERT!!! 
Winona Judd sat at the table behind us, and I totally caught her checking us out...  for REALZZZZZ!!!

For now, I am sitting amidst the chaos totally feeling the peace and contentment. 

What happens at the UBH-stays at the UBH!!!

Mental Health

I finally asked the cancer doc for some depression meds.  Due to my imminent 5 yr rounds of medically induced cancer menopause, I only had one option....that gave me chronic morning sickness, dizzying head spins, and the spitting pukes.  So I wiped my mouth with my sleeve, blew my nose, and flushed that option down the tank.  And am now man handling my own sour disposition with gritted teeth and narrowed eyes, just double dog daring a b*tch to come have a piece of this.  And people think zombies are scary...  Oh yeah, and winter is closing in, and we will all soon be trapped inside.... together.

I am supposed to be working with a trainer on physical/mental wellness.  Well, f*ck that.  I texted her a terse message that I needed to cancel our appt.  And what then does she sweetly do???  Why, texts me back trying to set up another appt for next week, "same time???"  I have now decided to text her that I have a pinched nerve in my lower back and will be "resting".... indefinitely...while smoking cigs and burning calories channel surfing .  What the f*ck's up with people not getting the f 'ing brush off these days???  ....  sheesh!

But I do have a facial/massage scheduled for today and am seriously considering pulling the trigger on purchasing a new Fossil handbag...  which is making me all twitchy and stoked about planning outfits around my uber trendy new bag...   Retail therapy is my new drug of choice.  Because being financially responsible and physically healthy is for douche bags...

Ranting and Such an All

I have been doing my daily radiation and fighting exhaustion and a bad attitude to boot-hence my blog slacking.  Basically I've been in my bathrobe hunkered down watching those trashy, slutty Bravo Housewives act the fool for to our endless delight.  Not a pretty picture, mind you... of me or them, frankly.

But I did have a recent resurgence of my former sharp tongued glory when I found myself picking a fight with a couple of preachers over gay bashing and pulpit politics...and then hit the send button on a scathing email which totally made me look like a liberal, gay loving, yellow dog Democrat.  Sigh...  And that's pretty much the truth of it although I generally try to keep my political vitriol off the Internet.  Well intentioned preachers have been banging the pulpit and waving the bible in futile attempts to keep blacks and women out of the voting polls for ages-all in the name of the High and Mighty.  Yet, look where we are now.  Baby, we've come a long way...!   I just want to punch stupid white men in the head sometimes-while smoking a Virginia Slim, mind you.

I even told Mr B that I might even put a gay rainbow sticker on my car just so the gays would know that I've got their back in the upcoming election-and to piss off those snooty, small minded preachers!  Mr B was wise enough to say nothing-which means that I currently do not want to punch him in the head.  Miracles can happen...

See you at the polls!

Fall Break Project

Our big project for fall break has been mucking out the boys' bonus rm/man cave.  Laws...  what a dusty, dark, nasty hole!  So I give Mr B fair warning, grit my teeth, ask my MIL to pray for her son and heirs' safety (this kinda project makes me wanna go all Roman and crucify deserving folks), and pull the trigger.  Natch'rally.  And it is a catastrophe-with fair results.  Mr B and I bicker the whole time; lil brother goofs off and doesn't listen or help much; big kid turns every job into a throwing athletic contest while mosey-ing around oblivious that his padre is snarling and foaming at the mouth and his mother has turned into a vampiric ice queen with psychotically narrowed eyes.  Mr B did eventually apologize (vaguely), and I did eventually warm up (slightly).  And the boys continued to be clueless that their parents nearly d-i-v-o-r-c-e-d and moved into one bedroom apartments on the wrong side of town. 

Big kid said it best: "Hey mom, did you know that 98% of marriages end in home renovations?"

Big kid (who's getting a lil big for his britches) keeps at it: "Hey dad, remember in that movie when that guy said, 'Marriage is like a rickety bridge.  Just don't put any stress on it and it'll be fine?' " 

Hells bells!  Ain't that The Truth?!?

After I have my chuckle over this touchy (yet truthful) metaphor, I banish big kid to the bonus rm/man cave.  Natch'rally.