Happy Bday, Mr B!!!

Mr B celebrated his 45th  b-day this weekend.  Mr B-who does a terrible job of keeping up with his current age-reported that he will be 45 twice because he spent year 44 thinking he was 45 already.  Forty-four is pretty overrated I assure him.   So raise a glass of cheer for Mr B's second go 'round at 45!   May he be continually blessed with squirrely kids and a sharp tongued wife with an axe to grind.  What more could a man want in life???

Since Mr B clearly has a memory issue, I am going to record for posterity a few b-day details that his sons can read to him when they visit him in the nursing home with their squirrely kids:

2011 B-day Details:
*Went to see the movie Cowboys & Aliens with Honey and family
*Grilled brats & dogs
*Boys made a white cake with white frosting and lots of sprinkles. To lil brother's profound regret I only let him put 12 candles on the cake instead of stabbing it full of 45 candles-which is a little much at our age and likely to catch the house on fire.
*Spent the day swimming and hanging out
*Boys gave their dad recycled gifts-The Fart Book (which never gets old for any of them) and a pair of shutter shades-what every cool dad needs...
*Watched our current fav show Falling Skies
*And my gift to Mr B...well, let's just say, use your imagination...!

Happy b-day Bunny!!!

Trading Places

In a moment of ire, lil brother informs me, "You would be MAD if you hadda be me!"

Me:  "Oh YEAH?!?  Why's THAT?!?"

LB :  "Cuz you's always bossing me around! (He mimics in a girlie voice)  GO DO DAT!  GO DO DAT!  You wouldn't like it AT. ALL."

And we just both stood our ground giving each other the hairy eyeball...

And just between you and me and the fence post.....He's RIGHT!!!

Learning Experience

I knew I was forgetting to tell y'all something...  Last Sunday big kid volunteered to work in the 2 yr old classroom at church (I know, right?!?  Kids are soooo clueless...).  Frankly, I'd rather be burned at the stake.   But anyhoo...We pick him an hour and half later and before he has passed through the threshold of the classroom, he announces in his booming voice (weird detail:  big kid has the gawky frame of a fledgling teen but the booming voice of 47 year old man):  "THAT WAS TERRIBLE!  THAT WAS THE LONGEST HOUR & HALF OF MY LIFE!  THERE WERE 8 OF THEM-BUT IT FELT LIKE 20!  AND ONE OF THEM PEED ON THE FLOOR!  MAN!  I'M NEVER HAVING KIDS!"  And Mr B and I just chuckle to ourselves.  Who knew that taking big kid to church would be the best form of future birth control???  Love it!  Gonna sign him up again...

"His People"

So I finally capitulated and took lil brother to go see "his people." By that I mean the dudes who work at our local used video gaming store. Lil brother just loves these paid-by-the-hour dudes. These guys are about 37 years old, wear old, faded black t-shirts with Pac-man iron-ons, haven't shaved or showered in days, still live in their parent's dark basement, and have played Every. Single. Solitary. Game. EVER made. So lil brother will hustle up to the counter with his baggie of dollars and change and will ask for the most obsolete game... and every time they're like, "Whoooaaaa dude! I LOVE that game. Just a minute... Hey, Gus!?! Where's that (fill in the blank game)? I KNOW we had it. YESSSSS!!! HERE IT IS DUDE! You are so lucky, man."  And lil brother is TOTALLY stoked. Of course I have to ask the obligatory mom question about whether there are any naked ladies in it, and they assure me just killing and cussing which is perfectly acceptable over here at blither blather headquarters. I'm not necessarily proud of that, but lil brother's already blown my cover on that one... So hopefully this will be my last trip of the summer until lil brother's fall b-day which is around the corner. And then I can guarantee you he's gonna be begging to go visit "his people."  Until then...! 

Losing It

I lost my sh*t in the school parking lot and went all Rambo on big kid. He told his dad, "Mom acted like I was a hooligan! She grabbed my shirt and yelled cuss words at me!" Well...okay...GUILTY! But when big kid slammed the trunk lid on lil brother's collar bone which threw him onto the asphalt in writhing, screaming agony, I crossed to the DARK SIDE. And tasting blood was the only thing that was going to calm the beast... Truth be told, the only reason big kid lived to tell about my misdeeds was because the marching band was practicing in the parking lot, and I wasn't sure that I could contain that many witnesses. Long story short: lil brother has a bad bruise but no broken bones, and big kid had to be his personal slave for the next hour as penance for his stupidity. Can you imagine having lil brother as the boss of you??? I give myself major creativity points on this one.

So later I call in big kid to apologize for being such a crazed mama grizzly bear who nearly ate her young for breakfast. And he mosty forgave me...so I offered him a trip to Sweet CeCe's if that would speed up the forgiveness process. And he felt pretty sure that that would cover his attorney fees and damages and future therapy bills. So I tell him we will officially bury the hatchet, but he tells me, "Too late. Lil brother just told all the kids in driveway that you tried to wrestle me down then cussed me out." ...F@#$!

Understanding God

Lil brother keeps asking me clarifying questions as soon as I issue him a command or request. His questions often start with "How come?" or "Why?" And I sharply remind him that it's not for him to know or understand all the Why's or How Come's of every request. He just needs to listen and obey... And as I said this very thing, the cosmos shifted and a little ray of heavenly understanding sunk in... Who am I to always be asking/whining/demanding/stomping my foot at the Why's and How Come's of God's infinite universe??? Like me, God is BUSY (OK-busier!) and has a lot on his plate. And like lil brother I may not have the maturity or understanding to be entrusted with upper management issues. Clearly God has a game plan, and I am just one of his many players. And some things are just above my pay grade frankly. I need to listen more, argue less, and have a little FAITH once in awhile that God's got it covered. Just maybe not in my time or in my fashion...God be praised!

May those families in Norway feel HIS infinite love and pressence in the midst of their tragedy and heart ache.

Snippets

You know how I recently discovered how the phrase "I'M NAKED!" drives off kids and can give a gal a good few minutes of much craved privacy??? Well, I discovered another one recently. "I'M ON MY PERIOD!" You'da thought I'd scalded big kid with boiling oil. Suddenly I'm walking by myself...not a kid in sight. And I just smile to myself... (FYI-neither of the above work on husbands. You have been warned).

The thoughts of August are starting to piss me off...in a bad way. Y'all know how BAD I hate February...well, August can just go !$#@ itself. S'riously, what a buzz kill. Sucking my fun. Making me buy sch-l sh*t I du-wanna. August-spit!-you are DEAD to me! Dead, I tell you-spit!

I saw a mama at Wal-Mart lose her sh*t yesterday in the parking lot. Her toddler was kicking and smacking an older kid who was struggling to carry her to the car mid-meltdown. When the mama sees her lil hellion carrying on, she shrieks, "Are you hitting your sister?!? DON'T HIT YOUR SISTER!" SMACK! She pops that bad baby a good one. And yes, the irony was exquisite. And yes, I get it. I am guilty of the same thing...laws! Not even Jesus himself couldda withstood the temptation to fire up that baby's leg though. Good thing that the devil never thought to take Jesus to Wal-Mart with a bad baby. He surely wouldda cracked... Just sayin'...