Give It Away

I was totally overwhelmed today by the generosity of teachers for one of their own. I guess what amazes me so much is how little teachers truly have yet how generous they are to others. On a daily basis I see teachers give away their time, talents, love, inspiration, money, wisdom, patience, and energy-willingly, ungrudging-and often at their own personal expense. What a beautiful irony that those with the least often give the most-and ask nothing in return. May God bless all teachers!

What a beautiful Friday.

Top 10 TMI

1. I have Dolly Parton & Patsy Cline on my IPOD play list. And I play them shamelessly while driving with the windows down.

2. I really loved high school. There are some things about being a teenager that I REALLY miss. And no, I am not telling which parts… (i.e. read between the lines, folks).

3. I am a back talker & an eye roller & a smart mouth. And I am so glad I do not have a daughter to toss that back at me.

4. I am like a cat. I hide my symptoms well. You will probably not know when I am sad, but you will ALWAYS know when I am pissed.

5. Now that I am 40 it is never too late to make your last wishes known. Funeral Arrangements: black hair, lots of blue eye shadow, and if the mortician could make my ass smaller, then I owe ya’ll once you get to heaven… assuming I get there, too…

6. Oh, and grab my personnel file and read as my eulogy. Please read my naughty blog entries too.

7. My friend G once told me that I am most like Samantha from Sex and the City. This is one of my proudest moments because…(groan!)… I REALLY feel like Miranda. Could you put this on my tombstone, please?

8. I suck at parking and backing up. You should see me in the parking garage at the public library…Jesus!

9. To Botox or not to Botox? …hmmmm…that is the REAL question.

10. If I only had $20 left to my name, I would spend it on lip gloss and hair color-forget the poor and starving.

Playing Doctor

Lately I've been lolly-gagging around (really-I have very good excuses-but I am not going to bore you here), and I NEED to pay a visit to chiro-guy. After all that house cleaning I did this weekend (before the party-after the party-the day after the party)-my back has a kink in it. I can feel a "fit" coming on.... So in my desperation for immediate relief, I begged Mr B to pull/push on my leg and hip... Yeah-okay-I know... BAD IDEA. So I'm lying on my bed (Greta Garbo style) and Mr B has my leg up under his arm and he takes a running-go-heave-ho and I let out a "YOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!" that put every house cat to the county line's teeth on edge. Thank god the windows were down and the kids were outside playing in the street. There is no explaining how this must have sounded (let alone looked). So my days of letting Mr B "play doctor" are over. I ended up taking 4 Ibuprofen anyway (not sure if it was for the before or after pain). But I am headed back into the office so chiro-guy can save the day. And I will not complain about any contraption he recommends. I will gladly strap in.

Lessons In Living

It's yard sale Saturday in my 'hood. So I spent the morning with Honey (Mr B's mamma) and her sister BoGee (both in the feisty +65 yrs club) driving around and looking for bargains. When lo and behold, a lady driver in a hurry comes rushing up on my bumper...and stays there. Yes-I am driving slower than normal-since kids, pets, old folks, kids on bikes, babies in strollers, pedestrians, and lolly gaggers are leisurely walking through the car lined streets. I can imagine that someone in a hurry would be having a conniption fit right about now. But this is YARD SALE SATURDAY-for cryin' out loud. Well-this gets our dander up-and Honey and BoGee are turned around in their seats staring her down and giving her the what for-but she ain't letting up-no way. She has somewhere TO BE (yeah, right). So BoGee (who is wearing an adorable blue knit skull cap to cover her bald head from the cancer treatments and wearing her diamonds and Irish cross)-gives her the bird finger!-and keeps it up while staring her down-all while wearing her Psalm 23 rosary bracelet that the nice Catholic ladies made for her to use during times of trial and tribulation.

Girls-fingers UP in salute to Aunt BoGee!!!

Thirty~One Report

What a blast!!! The Thirty~One Party was a HIT!!! And it was so much fun to see so many friends-across town friends, neighborhood friends, old friends, new friends, friends of friends, and mothers of friends. And what an age range-2 wks to 98!!! My youngest guests were baby Caroline (2 wks) who wore an adorable pink bow in her hair, my cover girl friend Audrey who is holding up the "W" sign-(the WINNER of the $10 gift certificate). Congrats, Audrey!!!

Thank you Holly, Wendy, and Geneva (bestest co~host ever!) for making the party a HIT!!!

Also-I had to show ya'll the hostess gift my friend MV brought me (old school Southern, ya'll). She knows how much I enjoy a wicked sense of humor AND my morning cup of Joe... "If you can't say something nice, start a rumor!" Oh my....LOVE IT!!! (btw-pool friends: get your stories lined up and ready for next weekend...!)

Ya'll stay safe and pray we dodge these tornadoes...

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Here's my friend Lori's Corn Dip Recipe that was such a big hit:

Recipe:
2 cans of Mexican corn (drained)
1 small can of chopped green chilis
1 cup of mayo
1 cup of sour cream
1 cup of cheddar cheese

Mix all ingredients (except cheese) and refrigerate for several hours. Before serving, mix in cheese, sprinkle with Paprika. Serve with corn chips-and your guests will RAVE!!!

Drawing!!!

As promised-the blither blather drawing for the Thrity~One Party will be tonight!!! Blither blather'ers and party guests will put their names in the hat and Holly-our sales rep-will draw the winner for a $10 gift certificate. I will post the winning name this PM!!!

May the best gal-pal win!!! Looking forward to a night with friends!!!

Eye on the Prize

This is the only thing that is keeping me going right now. The. Only. Thing.

Aside: Got in trouble this morning with big kid, "MOM!"...for whispering "sh*t!"...under my breath. Let me tell you what-those Puritan types don't miss a thing!

Great Idea

"It's not all fun and games!"

Have a gal-pal who wants to get the moms AND kids together for summer time play dates. "Great Idea!", everyone says. Only problem: I really like these women. And I have worked awfully hard to get them to like me too. So now the fate of my friendships will be in lil brother's grubby hand-and ya'll know how he rolls-hard and fast with no regrets. He has already taken down two of my friends' chil'ren, and really-not regretted it. I, on the other hand, have never gotten over it. Thank god these women have a sense of humor-and are also raising boys. Not sure how it's gonna go over when lil brother barrel rolls someone in a cute pink twin outfit though... So we're probably only gonna make it once. That way everyone can breathe a sigh of relief and say, "Bless her heart!" I don't know how she does it!"

Idiom Translation

"Bless her heart!"

Southern Translation: How f'in stupid can one person be?!?

If you're not from the South-then be wary of this expression-and take note of its user and intended victim. There is definitely a story worth knowing here...

***WARNING***

On my mind lately... this is for all my women friends and their families who have been touched by this monster.

No apologies.

Emergency!

Mr B is my lucky, private chauffer!

I insisted that Mr B carry me to the store last night (what Southern gal in her right mind would drive herself when there's an able bodied man around???). "Yes, yes, I know you're tired! But I NEED my NECESSARIES."

MY NECESSARIES:
1. hair color
2. coffee
3. tampons

The trifecta of female well being and balance! BTW-bought an adorable i-turtle (on sale!) to hang out at my ipod station on my kitchen counter. I figure I need a little company while performing my kitchen slut duties. And yes-he was NECESSARY.

Aside: How cool is the word "trifecta"? Such a smarty-pants word. So here's the defintion. I say give it a whirl. You will feel POWERFUL when using it!

tri·fect·a –noun
a type of bet, esp. on horse races, in which the bettor must select the first three finishers in exact order.

Recipe for the Big Girl Soul

artist: sylvia salva
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Recipe:
A mess of gal pals
A pinch (or several) of whining, complainin', bellyachin'
A dash (or two or three) of bitchin', plotting, hashing, & re-hashing
A spoonful (or not) of tears and told-you-so's
A dose of compassion and common sense and tellin' it like it is
A heapin' of laughing, drinkin', and play actin'
A sprinkle of OMG!!! & Lord, Have Mercy!!! & Oh, NO-You Didn't!!!
A barrel of love

...and the world is right again!

Aside: I love this painting because it reminds me of my friend L's happy/peaceful kitchen and the love she dishes out when you're there. No matter what-love you L!!!

Dad'isms-watch out...

The adults at blither blather headquarters are 1/2 worthless today. Mr B has done quite a bit of traveling in the last few weeks-as well as deal with the pressures of grad school and work-which means that we've both taken on more household jobs and responsibilities than normal. Why is it that when life gets more busy and stressful, the laundry piles up faster, the bills get back logged, the boys get invited to more costly events, the coach changes game times, the neighbors need favors, the lawn mower won't start, the pantry is barren, the house you just picked up is a wreck again, the dog is puking by the piano, and the kids are whining and bitchin' and tattle telling more than usual, and somebody is hungry-again??? So, Mr B and I are trying to summon the energy to crack the whip around here...unsuccessfully.

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Earlier that morning: I'm floating in the tub, catching up and chatting with Mr B about the crazy events of the past 36 hours while he's been away, when lil brother hollers in the back door, "Moooooommmmmmm!!!!! Is dad really Santa?" So I holler back from my bubbles, "Uh.....nooooo!!!!!" At which point Mr B wordlessly gets up, strides to the garage where clean up duty is supposed to be going on, and has an intense, private conversation with big kid (through gritted teeth, narrowed eyes, and increased blood pressure). When I ask what he said to big kid...he refuses to spill the details. And I guess that's okay-cause I bet it was pretty traumatizing. Big kid knows his dad's not talking to hear his own voice. And I can assure you, he better not mess with grouchy Santa.

Young Conservationist

Mr B was fussing at little brother for the too quick showers he's been taking lately (4.3 seconds worth nightly). "I know you're not clean!" Mr B accused.

Lil brother (with a petulant whine): "But Da-aaad, I'm saving water AND time."

Lil brother is full of good ideas...

Share the Good News!!!

Soccer Report

Guest Blogger: Mr B

Mr B took lil brother to soccer practice tonight. So he is texting me as we speak. Here is the report-hot off the press:

Things you hear at soccer practice:
Get out of the goal...Don't pick the grass...Don't throw grass on your team mates...Stand up...If you spin around too much you will make yourself sick...Don't pick flowers...Pay attention...I said pay attention...Hands off...Don't fight over the balls... And yes, lil brother was in the thick of it.

Soccer is just a fancy-pants name for "puppy ball!"

Last Saturday: Mr B informed lil brother that he would buy him a milkshake if he scored a goal. So little brother scored 4 goals. He told his dad that he wanted the milkshake AND a happy meal!

Great Day!

Today is gonna be a GREAT day! Wanna know why??? Because I'm wearing a polka dot dress!!! And you cannot be fussy or bad while wearing polka dots-a universal impossibility. Need a mood stabilizer? Hop on over to Target and get yourself one (just $20!). Best investment of the spring season....so far!

Prayers for Poland

John Donne
Meditation 17
Devotions upon Emergent Occasions

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were. Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee..."

GF report

Big kid has an "official" gf. So he rode his new rip stick up the street last night to talk to her in her front yard. Later when I asked what they talked about, big kid looked thoughtful and then replied, "Just nonsense."

...giggles!!!... A babe in the woods, ya'll.

Kid Central

Sh*t!!! It's been kid central over here tonight! And it's a Thursday night, for crying out loud. I'm cooling my jets in my bedroom, texting and surfing the web (ie minding my own business) when lil brother barges through my door...with his friend...who he invites into my bedroom. WT...??? And they both have very important things to tell me about their Yugi-oh collections....sigh. And this takes a while...

So now I have to confess-my bedroom looks worse than a teenager's bedroom whose parents have been gone for the summer. Drawers are all 1/2 opened, panties are inside out on the floor, 15 different black sandals are all over the place, towels and bathrobes are flopped on various surfaces, all my summer purses have burst from the closet, stacks of books of magazines are lying about, my stationary box has exploded on the floor because I had to dig through it this morning to write a friend a note, and you cannot tell which basket has clean/dirty clothes...I'm not proud. But I'm no liar either...

And just as I'm relaxing back into my unmade bed, big kid shows up...with a friend...who he invites into my room....and they have important stuff to tell me about some girls up the street... So they finally leave and I guiltily drag-ass out of my comfy, rumpled bed to pick up the carnage...on a Thursday night!!! Which is two days before my regular cleaning day. She-it!!!

And then another kid knocks on my door...he's been invited by lil brother...and he has to tell me his brother is coming just a little late because he's in trouble right now for doing number two with the lid up on the toilet and he lied about it and his parents warned him and now they're really mad... and I just nod and motion him in... and sure enough the pooping brother makes it a few minutes later. So what's one more at this point???

Have mercy! I just want Mr B to come home from grad class so I can curl up and watch my weekly dose of The Real Housewives in my messy sanctuary...sans boys in the bedroom.

Good gravy!!!

Near Miss

There was a near miss in the classroom recently involving my student, my podium, and my morning cup of coffee. With a look of relief, my student says to me, "Mrs B-if I had spilled your coffee, would that've been a detention???"



My response: "No, darlin'. That would be death at dawn." Now that's a near miss...



Later that evening: I am lying in bed (think Greta Garbo)decompressing from a brutal day when murmuring voices infiltrate my semi-conscious state. So I listen more intently.... and I hear the earnest, questioning voice of lil brother followed by a rhythmic, authoritative adult voice....wt...??? Is there an adult in my house talking to my kid?!? As I swing into the living room, I see lil brother curled up with the computer intently conversing with a Yugi-oh tutorial (Japanese cartoon with a ga-billion collector's cards...sigh). And he is taking turns sharing his concerns and frustrations with the robot narrator. "But what if I don't have the right card? What do I do then...???" And the robot narrator continues its script nonplussed... Not sure if lil brother got his questions answered, but he seemed at peace being able to share his pressing concerns with the computer who seemed to be keeping up his end of the conversation. And I tip-toed back to my bedroom... another near miss averted.

Southern Fried

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

More Suthen-ism's:

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!

Distinction

Lil brother pointed out a very important holiday distinction the other day: "You don't have to be good for de East'a Bunny." Unlike Santa. Who is all up in your bid'ness. Santa peaks in windows, emails your house, calls your parents, changes his flight plans, monitors the satellites, and even sends you a progress report a few days before Christmas-listing your achievements and areas to improve...on Santa paper! And if you're like lil brother who lives to push his advantage and frequently swerves over the yellow line...well, you gotta respect a man with resources who uses them before he delivers the goods.

But even a bad baby gets a Nestle bar from that dim witted Bunny (with the evil chocolate smirk). Sucker!!!

Word to the Wise

Big kid was keeping me company on the soccer field today while lil brother did his thing. And out of nowhere big kid says to me, "Mom, you're not a 'holla back girl'. You're a holla AT girl!" And this was said with a healthy dose of respect.

And for the record-I totally agree with his assessment. Stupidity always precipitates hollering. Just a law of nature. Which means that hollering is just part of the mom job description. Just like driving while slapping kids in the back seat. Very important skills that we moms have to hone to keep the world on an even keel.

Frankly-I wouldn't give you 2 cents for a kid who hasn't been hollered at or slapped a few times in his lifetime by his mama. Just worthless I tell you...

Boys Boys Boys

I was completely prepared to be brutally honest. Even harsh and to the point. No minor infraction would go unreported or unnoticed. And I knew that having 10 12 yr old boys at my house for 6 running hours (big kid's bday) would give me lots of fodder for the grist mill. So here it is: I really enjoyed them. They are an easy to like and entertain crew. No complaints-NONE. What I truly enjoyed most about hanging out with them is that the 12 year old boy is still into playing: nerf wars, Ninja, basketball, flashlight tag, green machines, football, etc. They totally came up with their own plans and worked as a cohesive team. And the food they consumed! Bags of chips, 24 hotdogs, 2 cases of drinks, 2 dozen cookies, a crock pot of beans, a casserole dish of cheese potatoes, a bowl of chili, and a pan of BBQ. The annihilation was impressive-and I was happy to feed them every bite. So the next time you get ready to host a party, consider inviting the 12 year old crowd. They come hungry and leave happy.

And what could be more fun than that???

Long Way Home

Today I needed some travel therapy. So I chose a ghetto grocery store 25 minutes across town to do my early morning shopping-solo. Just me, windows down, country music, sunshine, and dark shades. Because I've had a lot on my mind lately. And I needed a quiet place to process "my truth" without being surrounded by noisy kids and boisterous teenagers and the pressures of family/house commitments. And what better place to do this than in a desserted grocery store at the crack of dawn? The modern woman's zen place...

Specifically my women friends have been weighing on my heart lately. Now that many of us have turned the corner into the land of 40-something, we are navigating deep waters while facing very real challenges: marital issues, raising teenagers, caring for aging parents, seeking new job/education opportunities, dealing with financial hardship, helping children deal with awkward growing up issues, all while wearing different hats and playing critical roles for so many in a crazy, crazy world. I wish that I could act and speak and carry these burdens with them/for them. But I can't. And I don't think they would require or ask it of others. But we can lean on each other, be there in the moment, bear witness to the truth, stand testimony to the facts, kneel in prayer, cheer from the sidelines, rally to the call, and help each other find the long way home again. Peace be with us all.

Easter Blessings~