Book Shelf 2010

Since today is the last day of the year, I decided to depart from the usual blither blather drivel and focus on something of worth: books, of course! Who doesn't love to talk about books??? Here are my (current) favs:

I am currently reading David Ebershoff's novel The 19th Wife which focuses on polygamy and the Mormon church. The writer takes three different story lines (1 modern, 2 historical) and intertwines them to give the reader a broad scope to view this archaic practice of plural wives and the ultimate tragedy that ensues when mortal men are given free reign to unleash their lust & greed for power on innocents-all in the name of worshiping God. Of course, I consider this novel research since I am a big fan of HBO's Big Love....gotta be ready for the new season!

My favorite novel series however this year has been George Martin's Game of Thrones , which HBO is making into a series in April 2011. It is a rich, massive epic crammed full of characters, betrayals, and political deceit. This novel is historical fantasy... but don't be put off by dragons and magic. The medieval setting lends credence to these events and in no way comes across as campy or phony. What I most love is that there are 4 books (currently-a fifth has been promised) that are 1,000 pages in length, so you can immerse yourself for a month...or more. Love, love, love this series and am desperate for HBO to give me more.

Mr B and I are currently watching the TV miniseries Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett. We are loving all 8 hours of this historical drama (thanks, Netflix!). Although this novel is an old read from several years ago, I love it for its attention to historical detail and its realistic view of medieval life as our main characters attempt to build a cathedral amidst the backdrop of political upheaval in England and the corrupt power plays of the Catholic church. Ken Follett is nothing if not detailed and well researched. Although novels are always better than movies, this mini-series will not disappoint the reader or viewer!

Happy reading in 2011!!!

Number System

Lil brother was tap dancing in bladder-busting desperation as the resentful, bored teenagers dully processed our holiday returns. OK-so there were a thousand people in this tiny, dim (how could they even see the barcode, for crying out load?!?), over priced (over-rated, rather) store-but note to staff: eye rolling doesn't make customers go away. Although I felt sorry for lil brother's plight-having to pee is the worst!-there was nothing to be done about it until we got our goods. Finally at fever pitch, lil brother's hopping and clutching reaches the critical point. "MOM! I gotta go NUMBER 3!" ...Huh??? Three???... "Yeah, das pee AND poop. But don't worry. I don't have to do NUMBER 4, dus NUMBER 3!" ...Number 4???... "Yeah, das puke with de pee AND poop." ...Mmmmmmkayyyyy, I nod... Four is NOT a lucky number, people. Now you know...

Packing up the Tacky

Well...it's time to pack up all the holiday crap...every tacky piece of it. But laws! I loved ever' tacky minute of it! So before it gets thrown into a box and jammed into the attic for a year, I wanted to post a few pics for y'all to enjoy. 'Member macrame??? That ancient 70's art of tying ropes together and giving your maw and mee-maw plant hangers and purses??? Macrame artists of the 70's were a diverse group comprised of church ladies, 9 year old girls, and barefoot, pot smoking uncles... Now what other art form can boast that?!? Well, as luck would have it, I inherited my mother's Christmas tree which I proudly hang on my pantry door in the kitchen. Ain't it a hoot?!? Total blast from the past... Makes people pause in wonder when they see it. I guess they're totally perplexed that such a bizarre relic actually made it into the new century instead of being tossed in a burning trash heap. Also I love my tacky blue tree in my dining room...especially those blue lights and tacky, cheap blue ornaments...just makes me want to put on an Elvis record and hear him croon.... "I'll have a-a-a- bluuuuuuu-ueeeee Christmas without yooooooo-ouuuu!"

Never fear y'all...Tacky will be back! It's always just a matter of time...

Antics

Lil brother & Thistle...aren't you glad he's not the boss of you???

Recap

Now that the holidays are over, I want to kick myself for not taking Xmas pics this year. I don't know what got into me... I just didn't think about it... So I've posted the lone shot I took a week before the big day. My only evidence of Xmas 2010. Maybe next year will be the year I digitally chronicle every gory detail...

So to make sure I did at least record a few key events, here is an accounting of the holidays: a trip to see grandaddy in the mountains; Xmas light show at the big speedway; the lighting of the Christmas tree in our town square; TRON movie; holiday kid party at our house; waking up to snow, snow, and more snow (first time in 17 yrs)!!!; Xmas turkey dinner at Aunt B's house; decorating cookies on Christmas eve; allowing mom to read Twas the Night Before Christmas...no matter how old you are; waking up at 4:42 AM Christmas morning and the agony of having to wait til 6 AM to open presents...and let's not forget all those trips to Wal-Mart (we even saw Santa there-no lie!)...the global holiday tradition...argh!!!

Lil brother's fav gift: Nerf shield, sword, and mace (...of course...Santa really knows this dude)
Big Kid's fav gift: XBOX Live with new games
Mr B & Ms Blither Blather's fav gift: another year with the family we created

Today big kid leaves for a week of winter camp (yes, sleeping in a tent in 20 degree snowy weather...and he can't wait!). Mr B and I will work on return shopping & laundry while lil brother plays Lego's and Nerf in his boxers...

Life is Good!!!

Big Spill

Big kid spilled an entire glass of orange juice all over the breakfast area which instantly ignited parental fuses...of course. Quickest way to piss off an adult??? Spill a sticky beverage that requires cleaning on hands and knees multiple times over the course of a month... %$#!. Anyhoo.... Lil brother rushes to the scene of the accident, assures big kid it'll be okay, hustles over with paper towels and windex, and starts a one man clean up operation. And he actually handles it... as big kid kinda mopes around in slow-mo watching the orange stain spread closer and closer to the carpet.... As lil brother makes his last trip to the laundry area, I praise him for his quick thinking and selfless actions, strangely pleased at his display of fraternal loyalty. "Dat oughta get me off the naughty list, huh, mom?" Well...I guess it does. Just in time.

Coupons

I've been threatening lil brother this holiday season with for-going buying him presents and instead giving him coupons in his stocking, all in the name of saving a buck or two and a future pain in the @ss yard sale in which we sell it all for $20 although we spent a $#@! fortune on it... I mean, learning to tighten the belt is an important life skill... Of course this sends lil brother into a tizzy at the thoughts of not ripping into loads of plastic crap on Christmas morning (...sigh). Here are some of my ideas for the lil rascal:

Lil brother coupons:
3 Get out of your room for free even though Dad is mad as a hornet at you Coupons (...buyer beware on this one)
3 I can't find my shoes so you have to do it for me Coupons (...sucker!!!)
3 I don't wanna do my homework so big kid can just do it Coupons (...HA!)
3 Go ahead and inspect my room but no looking in the closet or under the bed Coupons (...I'm actually really considering this one...)
5 Free passes to go into big kid's room and touch any of his stuff that I wanna no matter how loudly he yells Coupons
5 I'm tired of putting away the silverware so it can just sit on the counter for a week Coupons

...and for the grand finale...

10 Free whacks with a plastic sword/gun/toy to anyone who lil brother deems deserving and he still gets to watch tv and play computer (...someone has to dispense justice, right?!?)


Now, who wouldn't want all that for Christmas??? Maybe I need to market this to Fisher Price...

Home for the Holidays

Grandaddy (my father) is a self described "Ol' Bastard!" I cringed when he loudly and PROUDLY proclaimed this. Worried that little pitchers have big ears, I sneak a peak over my shoulder to see lil brother avidly leaned in and listening to every fascinating word that falls out of Grandaddy's mouth. Oh laws...he's filing that one away for future reference... Although Grandaddy is sporting a new set of hi-tech hearing aides which cost $5,000 (he loves to tell everyone), he still insists on shouting his opinions (...diatribes) to the world at large...peppered with salty expletives of course. Although retired, Grandaddy still has a full time job. He is a full time IDIOT DETECTOR. Although unpaid and under-appreciated, he considers it a necessary public service that no IDIOCY go unreported and/or undetected by the ignorant masses. And don't mis-think for a minute now that family gets special privileges....HO! NO-Siree!!! For instance at the holiday gathering, Grandaddy loudly raises his voice over the din to tell Mr B, "...half these women weren't married when they had all these kids!" Mr B stuffs a ham biscuit in his mouth and chews nervously while keeping his eye on the biggest man in the room... "And that one there's (pointing) girlfriend got married last week...to another man! And now he's gotta take a paternity test to get the ankle-biter's name changed!" he snorts in derision. ...And y'all that's all that I can really type here... without fear of (justifiable) murder and mayhem which might alter the destinies of generations to come. It ain't easy standing next to Grandaddy in public. It takes a special kinda fortitude (...idiocy???). And best not waste your breath trying to clean it up or fix it or nice-ify it. Can't be done-he only gets more agitated and irritated and LOUDER that someone might try to misinterpret the OBVIOUS. All you can do is slide on over to the buffet table, stuff a ham biscuit in your face while pocketing the serving fork, keep your back to the wall and eyes on the crowd.

Now THAT'S a holiday gathering, folks.

Walking PR Nightmare

David Arquette: "[Courteney] said she doesn't want to be my mother. I kind of need a mother right now. I need a girl to come bring me some soup and make sure I'm all right. I like that, and I take care of my ladies, too."

Dude! Really?!?

I just LOVE this guy. Not that I would want to be married to him...for the record. But I really appreciate how David Arquette is publically owning his misery in the wake of his doomed marriage to Courtney Cox. I mean this guy is saying ALL the WRONG things (source: People.com). Like how he drinks too much. So much in fact that he becomes a "maniac." He's depressed. His shrink thinks he's having "a nervous breakdown," his family is totally worried, Courtney is pissed as sh*t about what he's saying out loud to the trash-mags, and he even confessed to Howard Stern (who would tell that weirdo anything???) about not having sex with her for four months because she's sooooo O-VER him... OMG...I mean, like, WOW! really??? Celebs really ARE like us. Who knew??? And that's what I love about this guy. His life is a MESS and he's losing the best thing that's ever come his way (typical man for ya). But he AIN'T fakin' it. There's no Hollywood machine at work here, no publicist who has him on a short leash, no family wealth to muzzle his media mistakes. This dude is simply wallowing in his misery and speaking the un-gussied up truth about it...out loud and on the record. And I really admire this kinda courage. Because sometimes life really SUCKS...like BAD. And pretending any different just ain't an option. So CHEERS! to David for keeping it real (although he probably really needs to get off the bottle-and stop talking to Howard Stern about it). Who wouldn't love this guy??? Poor, stupid man...

C'mon Court...!

Keeping it real...

I'm sure you've been wondering how the holidays are shaping up over here at Blither Blather Headquarters. So here's a little peak... Doesn't Mr B look GREAT in a sweater turtleneck as he offers me some Christmas cheer on a platter???

Reality check: Big kid spilled spaghetti-o's on my favorite Christmas table runner and the stain will need to be sand-blasted out, the kitten is eating my dining room table decorations, one of the Christmas trees is perilously listing, and I'm dreading the first Christmas letter of sugary-sweet family bliss that will inevitably arrive in the mailbox informing us how Family X got a raise this year, all the kids made straight A's-again-they're vacationing in Aspen for the holidays, and they finally have their house paid off... Makes you wanna puke or kick Santa in the @#*!......

In spite of all that, I'm in my bathrobe with a cup o' coffee in my hands enjoying a quiet morning of delusional holiday bliss... Merry Merry!!!

Old People Announcement

I recently had a revelation: Mr B & I are entering into the twilight phase of our relationship. When did this hit me??? When he and I were discussing (with mounting exhiliration & glee!) which mini-series we were gonna watch together over the holidays on Netflix. And y'all, we aint been this excited since...well...I'm not sure when...??? Now if that ain't an old people sign, I don't know what is.

Hang Over

Lil brother had to stay home from church today because he was hung over. And Mr B was (suspiciously) thrilled to "nurse" him back to health in spite of having to miss out on the rousing Sunday sermon of "Hope in a Time of Despair." All this thanks to Uncle Joe who came over on Saturday with a 2 liter of grape soda, a bag full of junk food, and three movies: of which consisted an alien, a predator, a buncha crazed zombies, and a sorcerer's apprentice. And let me tell you what-lil brother was not bashful about getting his PARRRRR-TEEEEE ON!

Later-big kid informed me that the zombie movie was not appropriate for lil brother. "Mom, there was a NAKED man in it!" Upon further investigation, Uncle Joe also confessed that he had to "ahem...explain" a few things to lil brother after seeing this movie... Kinda hard to fix this after the fact... Whatcha gonna do? So it's no wonder lil brother had a tummy/headache after all that debauchery and required an Ibuprofen the morning after. Clearly I oughtta have the preacher put Uncle Joe and lil brother on the prayer list.

Man in Red

Lil brother took a trip to the local mall to chat up the man-in-red. And as luck would have it, lil brother got to hang with THE REAL DEAL. Not one of those faker-mall-Santas who just try to trick kids and get their parents to shell out $32 for a fake photo-op. I mean this Santa was REAL-and we have the picture to prove it. Just swing by our house anytime to check out the picture on the mantle. But in classic lil brother style, there was some pre-Santa drama. Lil brother cannot abide getting his hair "done" or wearing a Christmas sweater. But several threats later and a hostile intervention by Mr B pretty much convinced him of the futility of protest. And of course once lil brother is in line to see the man-in-red he gets nauseous and nervous and sweaty. And I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to explain to the big guy some of his tricks either. But I'm glad to report, that lil brother survived the encounter and successfully dodged another holiday bullet-although he got so nervous that he forgot to give him his wish list. So looks like he'll have to write a Santa letter-which will be another holiday-fight-tradition to report on later.

Merry merry!!!