Points to Ponder

Words from a friend that really resonated with me as we spoke of parenting our children:

Friend: "Sometimes I see my chile for who she really is-and I wince! ...but then I remember that sweet, innocent baby that I held, too."

Aren't those beautiful words that really touch on the poignant wonder and frustration of being parents???

On another note: Lil brother is upstairs all swoled up and mad at Jesus for making us go to church today... It is so nice to have someone to blame that on...

Party of Five

Mr B & I ended up taking 5 boys out to eat at a burger joint on Friday night and were approached by 2 old lady sisters who wanted to know if all those boys were ours. OH, HELL NO!!! I can assure you

Coupon Lady

I wish I were one of those crazy@ss-coupon-cutting-ladies. Really. But honestly, the thoughts of actually having to rifle through dirty newspaper (SO GRODY!), then clipping slips of paper while keeping them alphabetized in a cutesy mini-folder that's gonna get dumped out in my purse all the while keeping track of those microscopic dates at the bottom and hurrying across town to elbow strangers in the face for my free bottle of roach killer...well, let's just say I'm not emotionally stable enough for the task. So yes, my grocery bill is astronomical. I will never get to brag that I got $5,342 of groceries for just .39 cents! I am a full paying customer-much to my Jewish neighbor's dismay. So this weekend she sends her daughter down to deliver some goodies....doggie chew strips. She doesn't even have a dog. But she did have a coupon. And it is written in the crazy@ss-coupon-cutting-lady-manual that no good coupon shall ever expire unused...HERESY!

Btw-The Good Child had a field day...all on our good neighbor's dime-literally!

Homework Drama

Lil brother forgot his math book which meant that the homework did not get done (...duh)-which of course resulted in lost TV/recess time. C'est la vie... take your licks and move on. However the math teacher calls me and leaves a message on the voice mail about the "importance of doing math." Ok. Fine. I f*cked up. Sh*t happens. Nominate me for Careless-Mother-of-the-Year-Puh-leeezze. Anyhoo...! So of course I get on lil brother's case for making me look bad (not for the missed math...duh...). His job is to not embarrass me. I'm not even asking that he make me look good. I feel like my standards are appropriately low in this area, and the least he can do is comply...somewhat. So I tell him he IS going to do the missed math. And he adamantly kicks up a fuss about NOT doing it. "But dat was for Monday! Now it's Tuesday! All dat old stuff is dus swept way!" So I assure him that the day of the week doesn't mean hootin-holler and indeed there is no such phenomena as "Swept Away" in the educational system-or life in general. ...???... Why not??? Uh,...I'm not sure... And the more I think about it, the idea is kinda rubbing off on me. Why shouldn't each day be a tabula rasa and all that old, annoying stuff simply be wiped off the slate??? Why are we dragging around yesterday's dirty laundry anyway??? Maybe there is something we adults could learn from the simplicity of this kid friendly philosophy. Adults really know how to screw up a good thing....duhhhh!

Southern Tradition

Lil brother reminded me recently of the good ol days when he used to get in trouble in kindergarten and ride the bus to my school instead of going home directly to report his misadventures to his awaiting dad, Mr B. "Why'd you do that?" I ironically ask, brows raised. "Cause dad was gonna beat my butt!" And I have to say, I felt a moment of pride at that statement. My commitment to Southern Tradition is paying off. My chile will seek out his mama first for some good ol fashioned, Southern fried shame & guilt & mortification before taking his whipping in the front yard from a daddy who could care less about his circumstances. Mr B is teaching our sons the SOUTHERN MORAL CODE: "Don't EVER embarrass your mama...!" And right from wrong really has nuthin much to do with it...

Ahhhh, the good ol' days...!

Heathens

I live with a bunch of heathens. And clearly we need some more bible thumpin' going on over here at blither blather headquarters (as in the up-side-de-head-kind).

Case in point:
The preacher's kid comes to spend the night. And since big kid is our resident Puritan & Jesus freak-this is no real surprise. But clearly this does not bode well for the rest of us who are prone to potty language and low brow humor and poor taste in TV... Honestly, I'm just worried about potentially flashing the poor kid as I lounge around my house in my granny gown and ol' bathrobe-God forbid. But lil brother who's trying to win points (& attention) from the older crowd gives them a piece of advice: "Hey! It's Saturday night! But don't tell mom cause she'll make us go to church if she remembers tomorrow's Sunday!" Great...just great, lil brother...please announce to the world our slovenly attendance record. Next morning Mr B is getting ready for church and grumbling: "No more having the preacher's kid over on a Saturday night. Now we gotta go...!"

Trust me: Mr B & lil brother were exactly where they needed to be. God sure does work in mysterious ways...

FYI

Conspiracy

The third grade teachers are out to get us. Just because we missed a week from school for snow, now the third grade teachers are turning up the heat and loading us up with homework & worksheets galore. We've got spelling and vocabulary and practice tests and multiplication worksheets and reading passages and writing prompts. Laws ya'll!!! It's exhausting. And it's totally getting in between me and my couch. I mean gah..... The new season of Jersey Shores is on. The Real Housewives reunion shows are coming up... These teachers need to get their priorities in order. Really...

Man Date

"My favorite date night destination is Target!" I told a group of friends-who avidly agreed with me.
My man friend pipes up, "I actually took my wife to a shooting range for target practice. How's that for a target date?" he asks.
My response: "Mr B wouldn't dare put a gun in my hands. He'd rather take his chances at the retail Target."

And all the women were in complete agreement on this one-to my man friend's chagrin.

I'm Every Woman

When I grow up, I am soooo gonna be her! ....Ohhhhh, to have the courage to be a Capiello woman...

What are the Odds?

Odd numbers really creep me out... Not sure how this is gonna bode for 2011... But in the spirit of this freaky odd number-here are 11 equally freaky things that you will probably later regret knowing about Ms Blither Blather...

1. I totally think this pic of Woody Allen is HOTTTTT!!! No Lie!!! The next time Mr B wants to get me in the mood, he needs to get us some sliding ladders and walls of books... S'riously! ...Apologies gentle reader if this offended your delicate sensibilities...

2. A friend once told me that I am most like Samantha from Sex and the City. This is one of my PROUDEST moments because…(groan!)… I REALLY feel like Miranda. Could someone please put this on my tombstone?

3. People who do not drink coffee cannot be trusted… this is a serious character flaw. Do NOT turn your back!

4. I have no tattoos and never plan to get one. Although if I did get one it would say, "Kiss my Grits!"

5. To Botox or not to Botox? …hmmmm…THAT is the question...

6. If I only had $20 left to my name, I would spend it on a purse...or lipgloss.

7. I am convinced that big, black sunglasses make us look 10 lbs thinner.

8. I am not afraid to take on a challenge, ask the difficult question, hear the answer, or get my hands dirty… I could sooooo be a Mafia princess... Somebody's gotta pull the trigger...!

9. I do believe there are some jobs men should HAVE to do…insurance, re-financing, oil changes, air filters, camping, hauling the Christmas crap, and whipping boys’ butts...and anything else I might think up...

10. I am not good at compassion or patience….but require a lot of it.

11. Eye rolling, door slamming, and mumble bitching really are an art form. Puh-leazzeeee ...don't get me started...! ***eye roll***

Freshening Up!

Do you like the new background from shabbyblogs.com??? I just adore their cute, vintage-y collection. And Oh!...the choices!!! I could play blog dress up in their closet all day...!!!

Day 3 Debauchery

Day 3 of Debauchery continues uninterrupted. I just LOVE snow days!!! I counted it up for yesterday: I was outta my granny gown for only 4 hours...and an hour of that was spent soaking in a hot tub of bubbles. Ain't life GRAND?!? So what's on tap for today, you ask??? A novel with a half naked man in a kilt with a really, really, really big SWORD on the front cover! Title and author irrelevant of course.

Of course the house has been filled with boys, boys, boys everywhere. My crew runs in a pack. And I'm not complaining. Even when I tell them, "No friends inside today!" Guess what??? Friends are always inside....sigh. So this morning my girl room was crammed with 5 stinky boys and I overheard this convo:

...Sounds of horse play & rough housing....
Friend: Hey Lil brother, don't spank my butt! It's a sign of affection!
Lil brother: A sinus infection???
Friend: NO!!! A. Sign. Of. Affection. Like you wanna kiss somebody????
Lil brother: You shouldn't kiss anybody wif' a sinus infection!

Lil brother is nobody's fool. He's got this hanging with the big kids thing DOWN!

Sponsored by...

I wantcha'll to know that I am taking full credit for all this SNOW (woohoo!!!) that got dumped on us last night. Yup. 'Das right. FULL CREDIT! I deliberately did not do my laundry this weekend because I KNEW we wouldn't be going to school today. My faith never wavered. Even though I knew there was not a single clean sock or pair of boxers or blue jeans to be had at blither blather headquarters (not even under lil brother's bed). Mother Nature wasn't 'bout to test me on this one. And let me tell you what: you gotta have nerves of steel to go up against a Monday with 12 loads of dirty laundry at your back...

.....So.... you're welcome!

Friday Night Rant

I'm doing the 31 Days of Exercise challenge this month...and what a stupid %$#! idea. So I get home and tromp around my 'hood in the dark and the rain with the dog (who insists on taking a big crap in front of the model home) and because I'm in such a bitchy mood, I just let him. None of the guys in my house were willing to keep me company on my lil excursion...so I went alone. And the IPOD was preferable company...

Oh, and I'm skipping a church meeting tonight...And I don't feel guilty...AT ALL. Screw it.

I am excited that trashy TV is back on after the holidays! Celebrity Rehab with Dr Drew is back!!! He is sooooo hot....almost makes you wanna be a junkie so he can detox you.... And Jersey Shores...woohoo!!!...girl fight!!! I hope they kick Sammi's @ss. And The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills...what an oxymoron... and yes, I'm probably a moron for watching...

Hope you're working on your goals and having success. Trying to improve totally sucks, huh??? By February I'll probably return to my slothful senses...

Resolute-No Resolutions!

I've been badgering and coaxing the fellas over here at blither blather headquarters to join me in reflecting & evaluating 2010 and setting new goals & challenges for 2011...to no avail. Big kid just kinda stared at me with a dazed expression when I suggested we discuss areas to improve before he sidled away and slunk off...to who knows where. Mr B, who was intently watching WWII unfold (again...) on the History Channel, wouldn't even break his gaze from the TV set as he stated his one-and-only shocking-XXX goal (which involved me doing a lot of the work...) for 2011... so I sidled away and slunk off to who knows where before he could get motivated to get an early start on that unmentionable goal. So that left lil brother who, in all fairness, actually listened to my entire rousing speech on goal setting while keeping his gaze locked on mine before saying, "Nahhh...das' boring. You dus' think of some. Das' really not for me." And then he picked up his Nerf battle ax and went about his business of defeating friend or foe.

So I guess it's all on me this New Year to focus on financial responsibility, healthy life style choices, and personal accountability.......... "Nahhhh.....das boring."