Week in Review

It's been a pretty good spring break.  I know, right?!?  Kinda hard to believe that I have nothing to complain 'bout!  The weather has been sunny and warm, and I managed to get both fun and chores accomplished.  So here goes:

1.  Cooking-This week I made two breakfast casseroles and a yummy peanut roll sweet treat (think Sweet-N-Salty bars) that got rave reviews from girlfriends and boys alike.  I know I should probably get all Pinterestey on you and posts pics and recipes an' such, but frankly my dears,  I'm just too damn lazy for all that...  Trust me-I rocked it!  Oh, and I made spaghetti and meatballs and a delish green bean casserole for a boy-barian event that got high marks.  Big kid said, "Mom, you make the BEST green bean casserole ever!"  Which is very important because one of these days he will have Thanksgiving with his fiance's family and if he's gonna get the green light from her parents, he'd better like her mother's green bean casserole.  We all know that's the REAL test.  So I can check that off my to-do list for raising a Southern gentleman.  Lil brother on the other hand said, "Yeah, that wasn't soooo bad after all."  He's a work in progress....

2.  Tarot Cards-I have been working on the major arcana and am well on my way to earning my witch's wand...  Just kidding bout the witch stuff... I think...  But my plan is to finish the major arcana and start working on the 4 minor arcanas so that I am ready for readings by summer time.  I will keep you posted!  Mr B is a little nervous 'bout this new hobby of mine....  not sure why?!?
 
3.  I am all caught up on my trashy TV shows!  Tonight Madmen begins a new season-which is totally my era.  I just love all the cigarette smoking and whiskey swilling in suits and fedoras and panty hose and filmy scarves.  Boy, those folks from the 60's really knew how to have fun in style.  I am also currently digging Spartacus, which is total married people porn, like, for real.  I never miss an episode.  Trust me:  it's totally educational.

Ta-ta for now, darlings! 
(as I hum the 60's era anthem, "Let the Sun shine!"...This is the age of Aquarius,  Aquariouuuussssss...")

Girl Date

I met one of my kick @ss friends for a coffee date this morning.  And you woulda thought I was getting ready for the prom.  I pulled out the curling iron,  shaved for 20 minutes, coordinated a cute little denim skirt ensemble with my new Chinese patterned flats and Mahjong tile bracelet, and put on full on face make up-which ain't no little thang.  And of course she appreciated e'ry bit of my effort and even reciprocated by rocking the Farrah Fawcett hair do (of which I am insanely jealous)  not to mention the full on make up and super cute outfit she was sporting. It's so much fun getting ready for a girl date.  1)  They notice all your hard work and will comment on it-immediately-with no coaching or coaxing, and 2) you don't have to put out for them afterwards.  Which is the opposite of the man/husband date.  Mr B is old school-southern boy.  If he takes me out to a movie and dinner, it's a sure thing that putting out is on the agenda.  And none of this "later" business either.  You gotta pay to play.  That's just a fact of life when you marry a southern boy.  No use whining or crying 'bout it or trying to delay the inevitable.

Speaking of husband dates, I pulled a fast one on Mr B last go 'round by not disclosing that Judy TAMPONelli had come for her monthly visit.  You shoulda seen the look of betrayal on his face when we got home and I had to fess up. I could see him mentally tallying up the bill and deducting from next month's date night.  Bottom line:  that trick ain't gonna fly 'round these here parts again, or next date night's gonna be eating at McDonald's and watching cable on the couch...

Laws!  That's playing hard ball, folks.

Waiting...

I really have nothing to say... but I'm waiting on my hair color to process which takes like, forever... so here goes nothing:

I cleaned the f**k outta blither blather headquarters yesterday and am loving the freshly vacuumed and tidied order.  Now if only the boy/manbarians 'round these parts would just pick up their sh*t so I could continue in this lovely zen state, that would be awesome...yet unlikely.

I have been busy studying my tarot cards and have decided to get serious 'bout it.  No more slack @ssing.  I am taking notes, dividing the major/minor arcanas and am setting out to the book store later for a REAL book.  Wiki and the Internet are NOT the end-all be all.  Sometimes you just need a good 'ol fashioned book in your hands.

I bought new yoga pants and a make up caddy from Target yesterday.  Surprisingly, new exercise pants really do help you to exercise.  I started spring training yesterday.  Looks like my exercise mojo is back on.  I am also loving my new make up caddy.  It forces you to throw away 'ol crap.  And I LOVE to throw sh*t away.  I am a total bad @ss 'bout it.  Just ask Mr B... this trait really PISSES him off.

Lastly-I still have the total HOTTTSSSS for Jon Bernthal from The Walking Dead.  He played the character of Shane but unfortuntately got zombified.  Laws, y'all, he is a FINE specimen of a real man-no fancy metrosexual mamby pamby for this southern gal.  I'm gonna leave y'all with that...

In about 5 minutes I am going to be a youthful brunette...again!

Sisterhood Collage

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Casserole Bomb-Gummy Bears-Cri'tal Gel-Auld Lang Syne-Righty Tighty

Negatory!-Zaxby's/CVS-Easter Bunny-"That's what she said!"

Abso-F'ING-lutely!-Silver bullets-Limericks-Naps

Ugly quarter-ROLLLLLL!!!!!-IMODIUM

"Well, goodness!"-Stripper school

Wizzard Fingers-Shopping

Trash mags-I'thingys
Lady of the Lake

Lighters-Solo Cups

Love and Laughter
F-bombs galore

IN IT FOR LIFE!

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Spring Break Limerick

There once was a coven of witches

Spring Break kept them in stitches

They drank beer and wine and had a great time

While trashing those f'ing b*tches!

Checking In

Big kid lost his phone at the track meet.  And I didn't say a word...  I mean, how can I???  I walked off and left the kitchen sink running...  So, yeah...  I'm on hiatus from bitchin' and bellachin' 'bout other folks' stupidity.  Give me time.  I may be down.  But I'm not out.  Plus Mr B had over the contractors last night to discuss measuring, money, down payments, deductibles, estimates, blah-blah-blah...  I never realized how uncomfortable stupid feels.

Carry on-it's hump day! 

Quote of the Day

Lil brother:  "Hey mom, did you know that snakes can fart?" he earnestly asks me.

And indeed I had never even considered the possibilities.... 

Now it's all I think about it.

In the moment: 

Big kid just informs he needs a poster for a school project.  Which was one of my errands....yesterday.  Now I just wanna claw out my eyeballs. 

F$#! school projects!!!

Judy TAMPONelli and other such nonsense

"Ahhh-uhhh-ahhh!!!  big kid is looking at Twitter!"  lil brother gleefully tattles.
'"SHUT UP! THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" big kid booms back.
Laws...I'm just gonna ignore all that.  I'm too exhausted, frankly, to be stalking big kid on Twitter too...

I am totally feeling like a crazy @ss b*tch right now.  The sound of the TV makes me want to throw a boulder through it.  The smell of man cologne makes me want to burn down the house.  And during church... I was having verrrrrryyyyyy  Satanic thoughts....  Okay-so blame it on Judy TAMPONelli who came by for our monthly meeting-early and uninvited, I might add.  I wish that b*tch would pack her bags and leave for good.  While I was brooding on when my luck might turn around, I ate an entire Hershey bar and drank a cup of black coffee... to match my black mood.

And I'll leave it at that.

Up in Your Bid'ness

I know this is 12 kinda wrong ...but I've been snooping around big kid's Facebook page.  It's not like I set out to...  It's just that his account is always logged on...  which means that naturally I've deleted some foul mouthed girls from his friend list which led to "liking" some random kids' status posts because I thought they probably needed some positive feedback in their lives cause they kinda looked pitiful an' all which led me to getting mad about some other kid's post which I actually commented on...but I did have the decency to identify myself as big kid's mother and straight up tell him he had no bid'ness posting that kinda stuff anyway... which led me to checking big kid's private messages which caused me to be concerned so I called Mr B at work and told him he had to have a "man to man" convo with big kid and I had a list of specific questions that he needed to ask then follow that up with some Internet research cause you can never be too careful about all that porn on the web... 

Yeah...  Okay.  Poor aggrieved big kid has been taking it all in stride however.  "Mom!  Please.... "  he says to me.  I just can't help myself, I tell him.  It's my JOB.

So I'm going about bid'ness, picking sh*t up around blitherblather headquarters, when big kid casually asks me, "So mom, who's this ___________ you've been chatting with on FB?"  And I freeze.  F%$#!  How does he know that???  F%$#!  I forgot to log off FB!!!  There's no way in hell I'm discussing the high school boyfriend with him...

Lesson:  Log off FB so folks aren't all up in your bid'ness asking stupid @ss questions.   Cause we all know where THAT leads...

Saturday Report

This is basically what my Saturday looked like today...  No.  Really.  I am afraid to do any housework after flooding my kitchen last week.  Like, who plugs up the kitchen sink for a bleaching and then walks away, chats on the phone for a bit, and then rage vacuums like a maniac as Niagra Falls is playing out a few rooms over???  Ummmmm.... that would be me...  for f**k's sake.  Total old lady moment.  Looks like my multi-tasking days may be over...  Mr B didn't even get mad.  He just calmly called the insurance company while I hung my head in shame and tried to be all nonchalant 'bout it.  His only complaint was that I didn't flood the living room seeing as how the dog prefers to barf and shed in that room the most, and it needs new flooring like a whore needs a Sunday morning bath.  It's kinda hard to think that critically about deductibles and square footage and such as I am frantically throwing mounds of dirty laundry on top of a river of floating clothes in my swampy dining room.  Next time, I'll be ready... for f**k's sake.

Otherwise, all has been relatively calm waters (terrible pun!) over here at blither blather headquarters.  The dog has been barfing and shedding and looking all guilty and defeated 'bout it;  Mr B is a haggard zombie from grad school;  I'm constantly ferrying big kid round town as I throw money at him at every five minutes for some new activity he's involved in; and lil brother is back talking and trying to boss me around and lying about not having any homework.  Laws, y'all! 

I really only have one regret for today:  not giving that @sshole man driver THE BIRD FINGER as he wheeled around me and sped through the intersection on a red light.  I will NEVER get that moment back, folks, and that stings.  Interestingly enough, I am totally guilt free about flopping around over here in a dirty, dusty house.

Happy Saturday, y'all!