Waiting...

I really have nothing to say... but I'm waiting on my hair color to process which takes like, forever... so here goes nothing:

I cleaned the f**k outta blither blather headquarters yesterday and am loving the freshly vacuumed and tidied order.  Now if only the boy/manbarians 'round these parts would just pick up their sh*t so I could continue in this lovely zen state, that would be awesome...yet unlikely.

I have been busy studying my tarot cards and have decided to get serious 'bout it.  No more slack @ssing.  I am taking notes, dividing the major/minor arcanas and am setting out to the book store later for a REAL book.  Wiki and the Internet are NOT the end-all be all.  Sometimes you just need a good 'ol fashioned book in your hands.

I bought new yoga pants and a make up caddy from Target yesterday.  Surprisingly, new exercise pants really do help you to exercise.  I started spring training yesterday.  Looks like my exercise mojo is back on.  I am also loving my new make up caddy.  It forces you to throw away 'ol crap.  And I LOVE to throw sh*t away.  I am a total bad @ss 'bout it.  Just ask Mr B... this trait really PISSES him off.

Lastly-I still have the total HOTTTSSSS for Jon Bernthal from The Walking Dead.  He played the character of Shane but unfortuntately got zombified.  Laws, y'all, he is a FINE specimen of a real man-no fancy metrosexual mamby pamby for this southern gal.  I'm gonna leave y'all with that...

In about 5 minutes I am going to be a youthful brunette...again!

Sisterhood Collage

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Casserole Bomb-Gummy Bears-Cri'tal Gel-Auld Lang Syne-Righty Tighty

Negatory!-Zaxby's/CVS-Easter Bunny-"That's what she said!"

Abso-F'ING-lutely!-Silver bullets-Limericks-Naps

Ugly quarter-ROLLLLLL!!!!!-IMODIUM

"Well, goodness!"-Stripper school

Wizzard Fingers-Shopping

Trash mags-I'thingys
Lady of the Lake

Lighters-Solo Cups

Love and Laughter
F-bombs galore

IN IT FOR LIFE!

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Spring Break Limerick

There once was a coven of witches

Spring Break kept them in stitches

They drank beer and wine and had a great time

While trashing those f'ing b*tches!

Checking In

Big kid lost his phone at the track meet.  And I didn't say a word...  I mean, how can I???  I walked off and left the kitchen sink running...  So, yeah...  I'm on hiatus from bitchin' and bellachin' 'bout other folks' stupidity.  Give me time.  I may be down.  But I'm not out.  Plus Mr B had over the contractors last night to discuss measuring, money, down payments, deductibles, estimates, blah-blah-blah...  I never realized how uncomfortable stupid feels.

Carry on-it's hump day! 

Quote of the Day

Lil brother:  "Hey mom, did you know that snakes can fart?" he earnestly asks me.

And indeed I had never even considered the possibilities.... 

Now it's all I think about it.

In the moment: 

Big kid just informs he needs a poster for a school project.  Which was one of my errands....yesterday.  Now I just wanna claw out my eyeballs. 

F$#! school projects!!!

Judy TAMPONelli and other such nonsense

"Ahhh-uhhh-ahhh!!!  big kid is looking at Twitter!"  lil brother gleefully tattles.
'"SHUT UP! THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" big kid booms back.
Laws...I'm just gonna ignore all that.  I'm too exhausted, frankly, to be stalking big kid on Twitter too...

I am totally feeling like a crazy @ss b*tch right now.  The sound of the TV makes me want to throw a boulder through it.  The smell of man cologne makes me want to burn down the house.  And during church... I was having verrrrrryyyyyy  Satanic thoughts....  Okay-so blame it on Judy TAMPONelli who came by for our monthly meeting-early and uninvited, I might add.  I wish that b*tch would pack her bags and leave for good.  While I was brooding on when my luck might turn around, I ate an entire Hershey bar and drank a cup of black coffee... to match my black mood.

And I'll leave it at that.

Up in Your Bid'ness

I know this is 12 kinda wrong ...but I've been snooping around big kid's Facebook page.  It's not like I set out to...  It's just that his account is always logged on...  which means that naturally I've deleted some foul mouthed girls from his friend list which led to "liking" some random kids' status posts because I thought they probably needed some positive feedback in their lives cause they kinda looked pitiful an' all which led me to getting mad about some other kid's post which I actually commented on...but I did have the decency to identify myself as big kid's mother and straight up tell him he had no bid'ness posting that kinda stuff anyway... which led me to checking big kid's private messages which caused me to be concerned so I called Mr B at work and told him he had to have a "man to man" convo with big kid and I had a list of specific questions that he needed to ask then follow that up with some Internet research cause you can never be too careful about all that porn on the web... 

Yeah...  Okay.  Poor aggrieved big kid has been taking it all in stride however.  "Mom!  Please.... "  he says to me.  I just can't help myself, I tell him.  It's my JOB.

So I'm going about bid'ness, picking sh*t up around blitherblather headquarters, when big kid casually asks me, "So mom, who's this ___________ you've been chatting with on FB?"  And I freeze.  F%$#!  How does he know that???  F%$#!  I forgot to log off FB!!!  There's no way in hell I'm discussing the high school boyfriend with him...

Lesson:  Log off FB so folks aren't all up in your bid'ness asking stupid @ss questions.   Cause we all know where THAT leads...

Saturday Report

This is basically what my Saturday looked like today...  No.  Really.  I am afraid to do any housework after flooding my kitchen last week.  Like, who plugs up the kitchen sink for a bleaching and then walks away, chats on the phone for a bit, and then rage vacuums like a maniac as Niagra Falls is playing out a few rooms over???  Ummmmm.... that would be me...  for f**k's sake.  Total old lady moment.  Looks like my multi-tasking days may be over...  Mr B didn't even get mad.  He just calmly called the insurance company while I hung my head in shame and tried to be all nonchalant 'bout it.  His only complaint was that I didn't flood the living room seeing as how the dog prefers to barf and shed in that room the most, and it needs new flooring like a whore needs a Sunday morning bath.  It's kinda hard to think that critically about deductibles and square footage and such as I am frantically throwing mounds of dirty laundry on top of a river of floating clothes in my swampy dining room.  Next time, I'll be ready... for f**k's sake.

Otherwise, all has been relatively calm waters (terrible pun!) over here at blither blather headquarters.  The dog has been barfing and shedding and looking all guilty and defeated 'bout it;  Mr B is a haggard zombie from grad school;  I'm constantly ferrying big kid round town as I throw money at him at every five minutes for some new activity he's involved in; and lil brother is back talking and trying to boss me around and lying about not having any homework.  Laws, y'all! 

I really only have one regret for today:  not giving that @sshole man driver THE BIRD FINGER as he wheeled around me and sped through the intersection on a red light.  I will NEVER get that moment back, folks, and that stings.  Interestingly enough, I am totally guilt free about flopping around over here in a dirty, dusty house.

Happy Saturday, y'all!