Turkey Virgin

I am happy & thrilled to report that I am no longer a Thanksgiving Turkey Virgin! Mr B & I have DONE IT...cooked a Thanksgiving turkey, that is! Now-we have hosted before and been responsible for quite a few fixins' but we have always chickened out when it came to the turkey and ordered from our local smokin' bbq place. Not this year. We girded our loins, made a trip to the grocery, and Mr B got busy feelin' up breasts in the frozen section....and stood up with a 25 lb'er cradled in his arms with a lustful look of love at first sight written across his face. I however was in wide-eyed, speechless shock. This turkey was SO BIG that it looked like a kindergartner who required adoption papers and an interview with a social worker. I mean, we had NEVER cooked a turkey before, and we were gonna start with a bird that required a new oven be installed in the kitchen?!? Well, never fear: Honey to the Rescue! Mr B's mama has never in her life been afraid of a side of wild-a-beast whether feathered or furred. So we called her up, and she hustled on over with bags of implements & necessities...and Voila! The magic happened and Mr B and I are turkey virgins no longer. Everyone went home happy & stuffed silly. What more could a former turkey virgin ask for?!?

Hope ya'll are having fun getting your HOLIDAY ON!!!

Sassin' your Mama

I caught lil brother mocking me behind my back last week as I was giving him the ol-what-for. "I told you to pick up....and you need to...and why don't you...and you'd better...!" I mean it wasn't personal-I was just communicatin' some rather necessary but unsavory truths that he needed to hear. Well, of course I wanted to bust out laughing when I turned around and he was mocking me as bold as a blue jay, but I had to give him the hairy eyeball just for good measure. I mean no mama worth her salt can let you get away with that-even if she does have a good chuckle 'bout it in the privacy of her own bedroom. And since lil brother is no fool, he slunk off and got out of sight of the hairy eyeball before it could lead to something worse.

As a world renowned eye rolling-sass-mouth myself, I can see the handwriting on the wall. Mocking leads to mumble-bitching which leads to giving your mama the bird finger (behind her back, for sure). It's only a matter of time. And I'm okay with that. The way I figure it is if you ain't never given your mama the bird finger, she must not of been doing her job right anyway.

So, bring it, lil brother! I can flip with the best of 'em!

Discipline

The squirt water bottle that I use to keep the kitten off the counter also works pretty well on lil brother when he's doing irritating things I don't like. I wish I had known about this years ago.

On another note:
Kitty got locked in the bonus rm and took a poop there. So I made big kid clean it up since it was his bright idea to take her up there. You shoulda heard the whining, gagging, begging, and deal making about picking up some cat poop with toilet paper. It was a PRODUCTION. I coulda had it done in 47 seconds-carpet spray and all. But ask a kid to pick up poop-and 37 minutes later it's still a work in prorgress.

Daylight Saving Time

DST is cutting into my morning quiet time since lil brother's internal clock hasn't quite shifted. He comes stumbling down the stairs in his boxers and rooster hair, bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to do his usual tricks and calling the shots...at 5:11 AM. And of course I'm moping round the kitchen in my bathrobe trying to make coffee-minding my own bleary eyed business-as usual. "Are we STILL saving de daylight time???" he enthusiastically asks me EVERY morning. Cause Lord knows that me and lil brother sure do need an extra hour together EVERY morning... As much as I love that baby, I'd love him just a hair more if he were in his bed til 6 AM.

Preacher's Wife

Oh LAWS, ya'll!!! The preacher's wife called me this morning. She'd heard I was having a hard time lately (???) Not sure what this means since I am ALWAYS in the thick of it-one way or another... This lil tidbit made me nervous (since clearly a lil bit of my personal crazy had leaked out unbeknowst to me...) so I stumbled and stuttered 'bout, "Yes, well, I had surgery recently..." Wonder what she woulda said if I told her how lately I've been all pissy and daydreamin' about kicking some gossiping church ladies' asses under the pulpit while dunking their heads in the holy grape juice for talking trash bout teachers in public (buncha b*tches!!!)??? Those church ladies have put my panties in a wad this week... All joking aside-I'm kinda particular about my gossiping. I share my speculations with a tight knit group of gal pals.... or put it on the Internet... so we can all have fun with it.

I figure God's had about enough of my bad-mouthing His helpers so He sicked that sweet preacher's wife on me. But laws, ya'll...if I hear another word from those gossiping 'ol biddies...it's gonna get UGLY. Maybe I do need someone with clout praying for me...

Yeah....I said it...

The annual canned food drive at my place of work has kicked off... And for the record: I hate canned food drives. With a bloody passion. All that competitive-cut-throat-what's-in-it-for-me-buy-me-off-you're-going-down-SUCKERS! crap is just exhausting and irritating. Either donate an f'in can-or not. But just leave me out of it, okay? And did I mention that I was chosen as a team captain this year? Wt...??? I'd rather be on my period for an entire month... !@#%