Holiday Errands

So I was checking out the 3rd grade stocking wall art at the bank, deciding on which to vote for in this local-yokel contest.  And it was obvious who the girl artists were-purple hearts on snowmen and carefully coordinated Christmas trees were a dead giveaway.  And then I spied #17.  Totally a boy stocking.  There was no premeditation in the placement of glued foam objects-sparse as they were (all 3 of them).  As a matter fact strings of dried glue crisscrossed the stocking like a crazy train of runaway reindeer had trampled it in reverse.  The wobbly angles of the snowman bespoke volumes on poor fine motor skills (that clearly had the kindergarten teacher shaking her head in despair!).  And well, the expression on the snowman's face ...well, it was kinda strange.   But oh, the raw joie de vivre of #17's artwork!  You know he was quite content (proud even!) with the final product, oblivious to the sympathetic teacher and all those persnickety little misses with their glitter extravaganzas.   So of course I voted for him...9 times!!!

I BELIEVE IN YOU #17!

So I'm blithely cruising through Barnes and Noble when I nearly topple over the display of those naughty little elves that are the new rage.  You know, the ones that spy on kids and do bad tricks and write annoying letters that threaten to tell Santa on you???  Well I shrunk away like I had nearly been bit by a cobra.  Who has time for pretend naughty elves who make extra messes that require pics posted on Facebook and threatening, witty letters that you have to keep for years and years???  The boy-man-barians over here at blither blather headquarters are making messes for freakin' REAL, people.  I ain't paying $29.99 for a freakin' pretend elf to do that sh*t too.

 Laws...!

Almost Done...Maybe....NOT!

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I've been hustling and bustling all over town lately trying to get my sh*t together.  I swear!  I wish I were one of those women who had her holiday list together in August and had it completely executed  by October 1st (I HATE those kinda freaks).  No, I am one of those clueless, bumbling fools who cruises through the store backtracking for hours trying to find inspiration midst the jammed aisles of holiday shoppers who are elbowing each other in the eyeball for the last Lego-whatever....  So, no.  I am not done.  I will not be done until...well, I'm not really sure...  You will probably see me gritting and gnashing my teeth in some store today.  But that's what makes Christmas, Christmas!!!  LOVE IT!!!

My fav gift I have bought thus far is for my youngest blither blather fan-Lil Miss ('member my f-bomb throwing 6 yr old friend who loves kitties and tiaras and Jesus-that's her!?!).  I couldn't help myself.  Mr B looked at me like I had lost my mind when I clutched it to my bosom and lunged for the counter to pay a damn fortune for..  A RED VELVET PURSE WITH GIANT POINSETTIA!!!  Laws!!!  I LOVED it instantly.  Er'y lil miss needs a velvet church purse to put her lip smackers gloss and tiny white bible and dollar in.  That way WHEN she drops the f-bomb in front of the Episcopalians....she will have done it in STYLE!

Time to get those last minute items...or DIE trying!!!

Have a hustling. bustling day, y'all!!!

Merry Merry!

The halls are decked at blither blather headquarters

and the stockings are hung with care. 

Now all that's left is a trip to the liquor store...

In the annual Christmas tradition, lil brother and I went to big kid's Christmas band concert...  And of course it was a typical kid musical event-honking clarinets and all.  But for f$#%'s sake, the lady in front of me who wouldn't shut the f$#% up nearly made me lose my groovy holiday mojo.  I swear!  Laws, y'all...  I wanted to beat her to death with jingle bells.  Give me an irritatin' kid over an irritatin' adult any day.  Anyhoo...

In the spirit of holiday cheer, I signed up lil brother and Mr B to ring the Salvation Army bells at Wal-Mart on a Friday night with a group of squirrely cub scouts.  Can y'all imagine?!?  No way in HELL you could whip me into doing that...  For the record: MR B IS A GOOD MAN.

Hope all is merry and bright for you & yours!