Exercise in Futility

To alleviate my mild case of cabin fever, I decide to do my daily walking outside in the winter elements-as opposed to popping the CD in the DVD player. Mind you-a ½ inch of snow in these here southern parts-is considered a downright avalanche. So I knew I needed to dress with more care and layers for this outing. So I start with a pair of Mr B’s long underwear. …If only I had the courage to Youtube myself…Title: Chubby Girl Wrestles Herself Into Skinny Man’s John’s has the potential to be a cult classic. In spite of the fact that I cannot get the crotch to adjust properly and the elastic in the waistband is shot, I continue to add layers: Halloween socks, turtleneck, sweat shirt, jeans, scarf, ear warmers, big red coat, gloves, fuzzy boots. I am sweating profusely at this point, and the damn crotch of the john’s have actually slid 2 inches lower than the initial 3 inch gap I started with. And then….I drop one glove. And I cannot bend over to pick it up. So I have to take off 5 articles of clothing just to bend over. Twenty two minutes later I am ready to go….for my 10 minute walk. I actually burn more calories getting ready to exercise than I expend in the actual exercise. I only hope that not too many of my neighbors noticed my winter jaunt. Although how they could have missed the woman in the giant red coat who randomly kept shoving her hands in her pants while throwing out her left leg whose arms jutted out from her sides at a 45 angle who never bent her legs to walk but simply rolled from side to side as her dog jerked her up the hill-is quite unlikely.

Tomorrow: the CD in the DVD player.