1. We ain't paying money to rent out some over-utilized-kid-tastic place for a few hours when we have a perfectly good backyard for FREE running around. Will I have to clean the house before, during, and after said event??? !@#$ YES! But we're embracing this retro-old school-stay-at-home birthday party ideology. Sugar crazed kids thumping through the house squirting silly string while screaming like a serial killer's just been released in the bedroom...nothing like it, really. And yes, someone will get hurt, someone will be terrorized, someone will cry, someone will throw up... It's a PARTY for crying out loud. Who would want to miss out on all that???
2. We are not holding adults prisoners. I know this is a little socially awkward to admit, but...other people don't give a sh*t about your kid's bday. Who wants to hand over 1/2 a Saturday to watch kids do all of the above...and worse??? Adults have important stuff to do... like laundry. Plus adults will resent you a little less if their $12.99 bday investment buys them a few hours of freakin' peace from their own annoying kid-let alone your and 12 strangers' kids. Totally worth the investment and the pain in the @ss shopping trip.
3. NO GOODY BAGS!!! !@#$ THAT! Who thought that up anyway?!?!? Dante should have made that a realm of hell in his Inferno for the fool who thought that giving kids bags of plastic sh*t to sprinkle throughout mini vans and houses across town was a good idea. The dog is gagging on it, the husband is stepping on it and cursing like an enraged Russian sailor, and you have to dismantle the vaccuum cleaner to get a piece of it out of the nozzle... I hope the creator of that "good idea" chokes on a plastic piece of goody bag crap... Some people...
And that's about it, really. We will survive. Lil brother will have his shining moment, and the event will go down in the family annals. And hopefully no animals will be hurt in the process.
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