October marks the one year anniversary of my downward spiral into my own personal swampland-of-emotional-hell. So that meant I spent longer in the shower this morning than I should have contemplating how much of the “truth” I was willing to put out there in the blogospere. (Side note: the blogospehere is this strange, dark space where “letting go” feels really weightless and amazing-until you bump knees in the dark with someone.) So because I’m really not an overly sentimental type-going into gory detail about my personal hell is really not my style. You’ll have to trust me without actually handling the evidence yourself-OK? Some of my personal baggage was explainable and understandable; other parts were freaky and frightening (btw-I turned 40 in the midst of this good time-being a midlife crisis cliche is a b*tch to get over!). And honestly-I very nearly didn’t pull out of the nosedive. It was only in May of ‘09 that I finally clawed my way up the muddy, slippery bank-numb and spent-but still gasping for air. At some point I did consider going into therapy. But at heart I’m a cheap-skate-commitment-phobe who isn’t willing to give away a lot of time or money to a stranger who may (or may not) be smarter than me when it comes to armchair therapy (the fact that I have watched a lot of Oprah probably means I’m way too snobbish about self analysis). But I knew if I laid down on the couch with a good therapist at my side (feeding me grapes)-I would NEVER get up. So my personal remedies consisted of: blog therapy; “happy pills” that Dr Girl-Child compassionately, emphatically insisted on; hug-a-boy therapy; girlfriend laughter therapy; blame others therapy (very satisfying-but problematic); get over it therapy (no fun); and F-it therapy (more like a personal philosophy, I suppose).
So the long and short is-it's working: energy, warmth, curiosity, trust, and happiness (please don’t let me jinx this!) have seeped in. So now I’m ready to take another step in my self-help journey. So I have decided that every Tuesday (from now til December 1st) is gonna be Get Up Off Your Ass and Get Over It Tuesday. What does that mean for you-before you X out of this blog-totally creeped out??? Well, each week I’m gonna set a Get Over It Goal, and every Tuesday I’m gonna report the TRUTH about how/when/if I met those goals. And I promise not to over-tax you with the details (only 8 Tuesdays-for your sanity and mine). So, if you’ve ever gone to hell and back and feel like joining this messy process, please post your goal/truth report/tips/suggestions in the comment section and keep us updated. And if it's only me spilling my guts...there's gonna be a punishment for some of you. How's that for motivation?
…..So let’s see what happens... The worst??? We resort to F-it therapy!
You should BE a therapist, not see one. You once told me to get up off the floor when my life had tanked, and I did it, both literally and metaphorically.
ReplyDeleteAbout the pedi: your advice to me way back when was to keep those toes painted b/c it was girl therapy. As you saw earlier in the week, I learn well . . . when the advice is sound, at least.
LW-i actually thought about you this morning in church-and that exact moment you mentioned above. raw and real. glad I was there for you. you've come a long way, baby!
ReplyDeleteYour innovation, imagination, courage, epiphanies have always shone through even in the midst of your darker times. Thanks for being real with us--your friends and reader. We are glad that you continue to champion your inner enemy and look forward to going into the future with you--for better or worse.
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